i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
