It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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