just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
