After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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