The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
