This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
