): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
