dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
