life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
