btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
So apparently I’m into choking now
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
