Can i not drive my cunt home
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
