So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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