also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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