i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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