i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
