I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
