The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
