I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
