Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
