DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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