dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
