He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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