the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
