Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
