I bet he comes in French.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
