I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
