I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I would fuck him just for his dog
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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