well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
