ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
