in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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