You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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