They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
where am i from again
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I currently don't understand fingers.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
