Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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