I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
