she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
