i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
