Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
