please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
