I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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