3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So vagazzling was a success
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
