Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
