Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
