JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
