john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
