I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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