theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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