just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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