I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
