There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
