Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
