I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
