you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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