Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
